Tired of manually adjusting your brew?
The xBloom Studio Pro Max uses "advanced neuro-sensing technology" to read your coffee cravings before you even think them!
Features:
🧠 Brainwave Brewing - Just think "light roast," and it adjusts grind size, water temp, and pour speed telepathically!
😅 Mood-based Flavor Extraction - Detects stress levels and adds "calming notes" of lavender (or extra caffeine if you're barely awake).
🤖 AI Barista Judgement - Glares at you disapprovingly if you even consider adding sugar.
🧼 Self-Cleaning - Literally walks to the sink and washes itself (batteries not included).
"Finally, a machine that understands my existential need for perfect coffee!" - Over-caffeinated Early Adopter
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Launch Date: Last April 1st
