Finally... A pour-over machine that understands the "unique despair" of being a new parent.
Refer a friend, and we'll BOTH cry into our mugs together!
✨ PARENT-PROOF "FEATURES" ✨
🍼 Milk-Detecting Agitation Mode - Automatically scalds your tongue if it senses breastmilk/formula in the cup ("Oops, wrong liquid!")
🦾 One-Handed Panic Brew - Holds your baby and your sanity (disclaimer: does not actually hold baby).
🪇 Lullaby Extraction - Grinds beans to the rhythm of "Baby Shark" (you're welcome).
🍻 Referral Program - Get a free "I Used to Have Hobbies" mug when you convince another sleep-deprived friend to buy one!
👶 The Coffee Genius Mode – Congratulations! When enabled, your baby can brew a better pour-over than most adults.
🎙️REAL PARENT TESTIMONIALS (THEY'RE TOO TIRED TO LIE)
"It brews at 3 AM and judges me for being awake. Finally, a spouse substitute!" - @ZombieMom
"My baby spit up on it, and now it only makes 'organic, probiotic-infused' coffee. 10/10." - @CrunchyDad
"Referral bonus? More like 'trauma bonding.' We bought three." -@DoubleStrollerLife
💸 PRICING (BECAUSE THERAPY IS EXPENSIVE)
👼 $499 for the "I haven't slept since 2024" Package, with free 5 oz. bottle of "Tears of Joy"
👩🍼 $1,000,000 for "Grandma's Helping" Edition - (Machine never arrives, just like promised childcare.)
ORDER IN THE NEXT 10 MINUTES and we'll throw in a "I Make Milk and Pour-Overs" edition.
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