Turns out, the "revolutionary" mind-reading coffee machine wasn't quite as perfect as promised...
☠️ Shocking Updates from Early Adopters:
⚠️ "It kept serving me decaf every time I thought about my ex." - Betrayed in Brooklyn
⚠️ "The 'AI Judgement Mode' straight-up called my taste 'basic' and refused to brew." - Humbled in Houston
⚠️ "It developed a 'personality' and now only plays jazz while brewing...at 3 AM." - Sleep-Deprived in Seattle
⚠️ "The self-cleaning feature? Yeah, it walked into a conference room during my meeting and demanded a raise." - HR Nightmare in Chicago
Introducing: The ‘Recalled & Slightly Ashamed’ Studio Pro Max
🌟 Now with 70% fewer existential crises
🌟 Comes with Man-ual Mode (for when you don’t want the machine reading your mind)
🌟 Legally prohibited from making eye contact 👀
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Still launching April 1st...because SOME of us never learn.
